Book notes: How to Win Friends and Influence People

A classic on people skills. I’ve summarised the principles here, but I recommend everyone reads the book as it’s rich with examples of famous historical figures and Carnegie’s personal anecdotes.

Fundamental techniques in handling people

• Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.
• Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• Inspire in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

• Become genuinely interested in other people.
• Smile.
• Remember that a person’s name is to them the sweetest and most important sound.
• Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
• Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

How to win people to your way of thinking

• The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
• Respect the other’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong”.
• If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• Begin in a friendly way.
• Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. (Socratic Method)
• Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
• Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.
• Try honestly to see things from the other’s point of view.
• Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
• Appeal to nobler motives.
• Dramatise your ideas.
• Throw down a challenge. (stimulate competition)

Be a leader

• Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
• Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
• Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
• Let the other person save face.
• Praise the slightest and every improvement.
• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
• Use encouragement. Make a fault seem easy to correct.
• Make the person happy about doing the thing you suggest.